My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize