So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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