Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
