Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
