Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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