through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
