who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
