I can tuck mytits in my pants
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
