Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
