Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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