id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
