Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Omg I joined a choir last night...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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