I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
