You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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