Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
