If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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