i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
