yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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