I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Soap is not a condiment
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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