Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
