if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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