Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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