Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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