you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
