i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
