Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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