WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
