I wish I only lived at night.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
