Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
