Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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