Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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