dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize