i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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