Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
