i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
