we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
