You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
