omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That was an excessively violent trivia night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
