Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He has the fingertips of a God
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