would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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