I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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