and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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