the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
