Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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