no, he came in my armpit
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
