I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
