don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize