You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
