You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
