So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
