I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize