there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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