I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
