This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize