Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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