I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
