If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
