I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
