I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
