He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this boner is exhausting
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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