I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
