she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
