i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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