Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's just like the Real World with babies
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
