like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize