so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
