If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
