you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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