I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
