I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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