So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
